I've started journaling again. It makes me happy.
I think I've become numb. It also makes me happy.
I love not caring, then I can't feel the pain that's really there.
Sophia
Archive for 2012
Nostalgia at its finest.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012 § 1
I was just looking through the beginnings of this blog, and I feel so proud of what I used to write. I'm nostalgic of the past. I feel like I've let go of that creative side of me, and that makes me really sad. I feel that I no longer have beautiful words permeating my thoughts, although sometimes they'll come back to me. I'm going to make a big effort to restart writing meaningful things. I sincerely miss being the least bit artistic. I'll really try though.
Sophia
Sophia
Randomest is not even a word
Monday, November 5, 2012 § 1
I've come to realize that I've been lonely for far too long because I don't settle for anything less than what I want. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but I really can't seem to change it. I don't know what to do... except write my sociology paper which I've been putting off. I'm way too distracted for anything productive.
Sophia
Sophia
It's a new feeling
You just don't know how glad I am to be back. Picture a thousand fireworks inside my chest.
I just need something to hold on to right now.
University is hard. Moving out was different, although I love it. New York is my new home, but I live at college so I still have to go back home during vacations and such.
I don't know exactly what I want or expect to get out of this, but I definitely hope to keep it going again.
Sophia
I miss this
Sunday, November 4, 2012 § 2
I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore.
Probably not.
I miss being creative.
Sophia.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012 § 0
Weather like melted ice cream
Weather like silence in the night
A hand reaching behing
Weather like molasses
Weather like a fan
Breath on his neck
Weather like the lights on during a film
Weather like gum under a desk
Footsteps getting louder
Weather like dirty clothes
Weather like mushy pasta
A penetrating light
Weather like over-used swears
Weather like fidgeting
A face at the window
Weather like unpaved streets
Weather, like will you go away?
Damn, how time passes. It's a wonder.
Friday, February 24, 2012 § 1
Blistering pain.
Pins and needles.
I want to go back.
Back to the practiced numbness.
The empty nothingness.
I don't want to feel the strain of my muscles.
I don't want to feel lonely.
But I am.
Lonely.
Nobody takes a chance.
I will certainly not be the one to take one.
I wish I could even if I wanted to.
So, really you could say it is my fault.
Loneliness that is.
Signing off,
Sophia
Saturday, January 21, 2012 § 1
Something happened. Something really bad. I need to tell someone, but I don't know if I can actually tell anyone. I'm scared.
Author's freedom
Friday, January 20, 2012 § 2
Those that love you the
most know the best ways to twist
the knife deep in your back.
It's just me in here.
Friday, January 13, 2012 § 1
I feel so under appreciated all the time. I seriously wonder why I do anything. Why does it matter so much to myself that I have to be the best at everything? It's not like anyone cares. I hide and hide, but nobody even pays attention. When other people do things that I do regularly do, all of a sudden they're the most wonderful people alive. All the time I wish I had the fucking balls to do crazy and damaging shit, so maybe someone out there will notice me.
Signing off,
Sophia
Try. I dare you.
Thursday, January 5, 2012 § 1
I am stubborn, I know.
What you say, it won't change me.
Convince me, you'll see.
I'm always right in the end.
Signing off,
Sophia